Protecting My Abusers

Victims do it. Abusers do it. Regular people do it without even realizing it. All too often in abusive situations, all the attention goes to protecting the abuser and blaming the victim. For most of my life, I absorbed the responsibility for my abuse. I did it because at a young, formative age, I was … Continue reading Protecting My Abusers

"But You’re So Normal!"

When the subject of my abusive past comes up, the surprised response I most often hear from others who have known me for a while is, "But you're so normal!" There are a lot of different ways of coping with abuse. For me, I thought I could perform and please my way out of it. … Continue reading "But You’re So Normal!"

Take This Job and Shove It

As a survivor of abuse, I've always known I have an over developed sense of responsibility. My narcissistic parents made sure they were never at fault for their actions, and that I was somehow required to carry that burden for them. A sense of responsibility and independence carried me through adolescence, and ended up being … Continue reading Take This Job and Shove It

Troll for a Day

You know what really pisses me off? Trolls. Trolls are abusers who hide behind computer screens and tear people down. They lurk in the comments sections, ready to pounce, waiting for someone to point out their fallacies so they can attack. Ugh, I hate bullies. I really hate them. And I really hate watching them … Continue reading Troll for a Day

Hate Couch, Part Three

I thought I would update you all on my Hate Couch progress. If you haven't read the background about Hate Couch yet, you can do so here and here. I decided that I would chip away at it, literally, and take my time dismantling it. In the same way I am processing thousands of instances … Continue reading Hate Couch, Part Three

In Sickness and In Sickness

After years of dysfunction and abuse, my alcoholic, narcissistic father and my enabling, codependent mother divorced. I was in college at the time. My mother hid behind "staying together for the children," even though we didn't want her to. I suppose she couldn't use that excuse any more when we weren't there. When she left … Continue reading In Sickness and In Sickness

No, There Are Not Two Sides

I was in a meeting where a mediator was trying her best to stay impartial to a situation where a large volume of well-documented verbal and emotional abuse had occurred. She was a trained professional, but professionally speaking, she didn't want to be in a position to take sides on the issue. She offered the … Continue reading No, There Are Not Two Sides

When it Started

I have a strong memory. I always have. I remember going to Disneyland when I was two years old. It was December. We were sitting  in the parking lot, in our RV, eating breakfast and looking toward the park as the sun came up. I was anticipating the rides, and whether they would be scary. … Continue reading When it Started

Non-Supporters

Since making my abuse known to the public, I have received a wide range of responses, from dead silence from close friends to private and public encouragement from acquaintances and unknown fellow survivors. I expected the range, and I was curious to see who would choose to step up and who would choose to slink … Continue reading Non-Supporters

A Proud Victim

It's time to reclaim the word "victim." It's time to reclaim it because we are told it's something we shouldn't be. Victims make people nervous, as if we had leprosy or see-through leggings. People don't like victims, and they are quick to point that out to anyone who suggests they might be one. Victims are … Continue reading A Proud Victim