You Will Not Get Closure, But You Can Find Understanding

One of the most difficult aspects of leaving a narcissist is that there is no closure. Few people really understand what it's like to survive a psychological abuser. Not only will the narcissist ever understand your point of view, he or she will never attempt to try. In addition to spending the entire relationship feeling … Continue reading You Will Not Get Closure, But You Can Find Understanding

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Why Didn’t I Report? Thank You For Asking…

The first time it happened that I can remember, I was three years old. Three. That alone ought to be reason enough as to why I didn't report my sexual assault. Like many in the same situation as me, I did not have the kind of parents whom I could report things to. I did … Continue reading Why Didn’t I Report? Thank You For Asking…

No, You Are Not ‘Too’ Sensitive

It is common for the victims of narcissistic abuse to be kind, caring, compassionate people. They are often so tuned in to the needs of others and so good at listening and understanding that they become unwitting targets for toxic people. They are too often labeled as being "too" sensitive, when they feel hurt by … Continue reading No, You Are Not ‘Too’ Sensitive

The Three Words Childhood Trauma Survivors Need To Hear

Childhood trauma is a uniquely confusing experience. For many of us, the very people whom we were required to rely on for our survival were also the ones threatening it. It's hard enough to sort out this kind of abuse as an adult, but this disconnect can wreck havoc on a developing brain. Trauma research … Continue reading The Three Words Childhood Trauma Survivors Need To Hear

Trauma Isn’t Lazy

Trauma survivors seem to worry more than most that they are being 'lazy' when they aren't 100% productive. Let's expose that lie, shall we? The traumatized brain is anything but lazy. In fact, it is over-worked, over-stimulated, over-active, and over-stressed. Trauma survivors have an enlarged amygdala, which triggers the fight-or-flight response. In a survivor, this … Continue reading Trauma Isn’t Lazy

Ten Tools for Trauma Survivors

A couple years ago, I hit a serious wall.  I was emotionally and physically exhausted, but didn't understand why. Sure, I was a mom, wife, graduate student, and ran a business, but this exhaustion went much deeper than my chronic state of busyness and hypervigilance. Sure, I knew I had a rough childhood and had … Continue reading Ten Tools for Trauma Survivors

Who Am I, and What Do I Want?

Healing from narcissistic and emotional abuse is a lifelong unraveling. One has to scrape through many layers of gunk made up from the minimization of abuse and misplaced, mis-formed thoughts about one's self and the world they live in. In many ways, I consider myself extremely fortunate and privileged to have escaped my abusers and … Continue reading Who Am I, and What Do I Want?

When Survivors Dare To Believe They Are Worthy of More

Healing can be a long process, especially from complex trauma. There is an entire lifetime of coping mechanisms that survivors must unravel before they can decide what to keep and what to toss out. The process of becoming who you really are is tough for anyone, but for those who survived childhood abuse, it means … Continue reading When Survivors Dare To Believe They Are Worthy of More

Gaslighting Creates A Longing To Be Understood

When I was a child, I had no tools or language to understand the abuse that was happening to me. What I did know was that I was constantly misunderstood. My parents often accused me of doing things I never did and punished me for not doing things that were not mine to be done. … Continue reading Gaslighting Creates A Longing To Be Understood

Emotional Neglect Harms As Much As Overt Abuse

I grew up in an extremely dysfunctional home with a raging, alcoholic, narcissistic father. I still carry a lot of pain over the traumatic memories of his irrational outbursts and propensity to punish me for imagined slights. I struggle with an overbearing sense of responsibility and need to be blameless as a result of his … Continue reading Emotional Neglect Harms As Much As Overt Abuse