A Trauma Milestone

I just spent the last few days on retreat, where my family later joined me. It was some much needed self-care away from the trappings of life. Over the last several months, I've grown more aware of how necessary self-care is for someone like me facing the realities of complex trauma head on. Speaking of … Continue reading A Trauma Milestone

Unless They’re a Psychopath…

I love reading spirituality and self-help books. I am always looking for ways I can better understand myself and others through a lens of empathy and connection. On a long drive, I was listening to Brené Brown’s latest book, Braving the Wilderness.  It’s a well-articulated book about when integrity encourages us to stand alone rather … Continue reading Unless They’re a Psychopath…

Hate Couch, Part Four

*If you would like to read parts one, two, and three about hate couch, go here, here, and here. I was talking to my husband the other day about hate couch, and how I feel I am ready to let it go. It has been sitting in our garage the last couple months, with the … Continue reading Hate Couch, Part Four

Boundaries

Wouldn't it be nice if we all lived in harmony? Wouldn't it be great if everyone respected one another as human beings? Wouldn't it be wonderful if every interaction with others stirred up feelings of warmth and connectedness instead of fear and dread? But alas, some people suck. I used to think it was my … Continue reading Boundaries

The Silent Complicit

They see themselves as good people. Conflict makes them uncomfortable. They don't want to get involved. They fear losing friends and family. They wish everyone would just get along. They are the silent complicit, and they are as toxic as the overt abusers they enable. In many ways, they are worse. They claim to be … Continue reading The Silent Complicit

Common Forms of Spiritual Abuse

  I have a unique and diverse perspective on spirituality, religion, and faith due to my own eclectic spiritual background. For the record, I consider myself a devout Christian of the Roman Catholic tradition. I have been a "born again" Christian and experienced the worlds of protestant non-denominational churches, church plants, evangelical churches, and charismatic … Continue reading Common Forms of Spiritual Abuse

When It’s Time to Get Some Help

Complex trauma is like an impressionistic painting. Up close, it's a bunch of tiny brush strokes, a jumble of dots and colors. It doesn't look like anything, just stuff, seemingly unrelated. It's not until a person takes several steps back to look again that the whole picture emerges. At least, that's how it was for … Continue reading When It’s Time to Get Some Help

When You Can’t Be The Parent You Want To Be

When I was pregnant with my first child, I had panic attacks. I was terrified of having children, for good reason. I was afraid that I would succumb to the cycle of abuse that I grew up in. As much as I had already made many choices that were vastly different from my parents, I … Continue reading When You Can’t Be The Parent You Want To Be

The Best Thing You Can Do to Help a Trauma Survivor Heal

  I went no contact with my abusers many years ago, and in the years following, I spent much of the time putting the whole ordeal behind me. I escaped, and I went on to live a fairly successful and happy life. Or so I thought. A couple years ago, I hit the wall with … Continue reading The Best Thing You Can Do to Help a Trauma Survivor Heal

No, They Weren’t Doing Their Best

One of the most overused platitudes I hear in response to toxic parents is that they must have meant well, or they were only doing the best they could. This is a terrible thing to say to a survivor of child abuse. It's false and damaging to the victim, because it implies a false projection … Continue reading No, They Weren’t Doing Their Best